A rotten week for England fans but a block-buster week on social media. Peter Miller compiles the best cricket quotes, instas and tweets of the week – they’re not to be missed.
Just hours before the Perth Test got underway there was a big splash on the front page of The Sun about an alleged plot to spot fix the third Ashes Test.
Tomorrow’s front page: The Sun has smashed a multi-million pound plot to fix the third Ashes cricket test pic.twitter.com/G0tkRUjlsy
— The Sun (@TheSun) December 13, 2017
It didn’t take long for all of the cricketing authorities to play down any claims of corruption. The ICC were quick to minimise the story and the Cricket Australia boss, James Sutherland, was having none of it.
James Sutherland, the Cricket Australia chief executive, has denied allegations that the Perth #Ashes Test could be subject to instances of spot-fixing https://t.co/hstTWZqtNT pic.twitter.com/tKWih7gbnJ
— ESPNcricinfo (@ESPNcricinfo) December 14, 2017
The match played out as many expected, with England being battered once again at a venue where they have only ever won once. There were some Twitterers who suggested you didn’t need help from dodgy bookmakers to tell you how the WACA Test would unfold.
Lol @ thinking you need to pay loads of money to some dodgy Indians to find out how an Ashes Test at the WACA will pan out.
— Dave Tickner (@tickerscricket) December 14, 2017
Headbutts & hundreds
Once the cricket got under way there was hope – that sweet, sickly hope that always hurts England fans. It was provided by Dawid Malan, who made his maiden Test hundred, and Jonny Bairstow, who scored his fourth.
John Etheridge of The Sun was on hand to give us a Malan factoid.
Little known fact – Dawid Malan bats wearing two boxes, one tucked inside the other
— John Etheridge (@JohnSunCricket) December 14, 2017
When Bairstow was approaching his hundred, Wisden.com podcast host Vithushan Ehantharajah, suggested a celebration.
We’re not saying it, but we’re all praying for a headbutt related celebration, right? #Bairstow
— Vithushan Ehantharajah (@Vitu_E) December 15, 2017
Every cricket fan was delighted when Bairstow delivered exactly that.
— Tim Hipsley (@TimHipsley) December 15, 2017
Speaking of things that happen at The Avenue in Perth, writer Will Macpherson did a review of the place where England players get themselves into trouble for The Times. No really, he did.
I went to the Avenue in Perth, a favourite haunt of English cricketers. Here’s my match report https://t.co/dAp7i1GhIu
— Will Macpherson (@willis_macp) December 16, 2017
“You show them Jonny”
— Cricbuzz (@cricbuzz) December 15, 2017
Steve Smith does Steve Smith things
It all went horribly wrong for England when the Bairstow/Malan partnership was broken, as they lost six wickets for 35 runs before watching Steve Smith score 239 and the third best batsman in the Marsh family notch 181.
As far as Smith goes, this was all very familiar, as Pat Cummins pointed out.
— Pat Cummins (@patcummins30) December 16, 2017
Aussie Dan Liebke had a suggestion for how best to combat Smith.
— Dan Liebke (@LiebCricket) December 16, 2017
Now that is a good tweet. In fact, it was so good, Michael Vaughan tried to claim credit for it on Instagram a short while later.
After Marsh made that maiden Test ton, he was joined on the outfield by his brother and his dad for a lovely family photo. This caption isn’t all that impressive though. You could have a photo of Smith on his own – he has more than twice as many as the whole Marsh clan.
— cricket.com.au (@CricketAus) December 16, 2017
We all take away different things from these big partnerships.
Main thing I’ve learned today is that Mitch Marsh has a truly massive head. Consider the fact that he’s actually BEHIND Smith in this shot. Extraordinary. pic.twitter.com/DmcPL5Z1co
— King Cricket (@TheKingsTweets) December 16, 2017
Alastair Cook could only watch and admire the impressive stand, but still made an appearance during the BT Sport round-up.
— The Ashes on BT Sport (@btsportcricket) December 16, 2017
Ball of the century?
James Vince made a tidy 55 in England’s second innings, before Mitchell Starc bowled him a ball that was simply unplayable.
— Wisden (@WisdenCricket) December 17, 2017
Geoffrey Boycott was very critical of how Vince played the shot, insisting if he had a straighter bat he might not have been bowled. This did not go down well on Twitter.
I’m sorry by Boycott is talking absolute rubbish here about Vince dismissal… play straight??!! The ball was going half a foot down leg then hits a crack at 90mph! If Boycott could have played that he’d have averaged 300!!
— Gareth Rees (@garethprees28) December 17, 2017
— Vithushan Ehantharajah (@Vitu_E) December 17, 2017
Jimmy Neesham summed it up nicely.
It’s so obvious that you’ve never faced 90 mph. Nobody is hitting that. Nobody. Even if you play straight you’re still missing it by 2 inches. https://t.co/yfbtzkvdNZ
— Jimmy Neesham (@JimmyNeesh) December 17, 2017
Pitch given the hairdryer treatment
Before England succumbed to an inevitable defeat they thought they might get a stay of execution when the covers blew off the pitch and resulted in wet patches on a length.
— The Ashes on BT Sport (@btsportcricket) December 18, 2017
An almost three-hour delay resulted and Twitter came into its own.
Now they’re drying the heavy roller with a cloth before applying it to the pitch. There’s something deliciously Sisyphean about today’s proceedings so far.
— daniel norcross (@norcrosscricket) December 18, 2017
For 13,275 Aussie dollars the Waca could have purchased one of these pic.twitter.com/mSHzEUVlep
— Simon Wilde (@swildecricket) December 18, 2017
Prospects of play: umpire Chris Gaffaney is practising his golf swing with an umbrella pic.twitter.com/K7Mmhno2vu
— Jonathan Liew (@jonathanliew) December 18, 2017
— cricket.com.au (@CricketAus) December 18, 2017