Pakistan have spiralled quicker than anyone thought during the ongoing tour in England, and are on track to be anointed as the worst tourists in the country in the last half a century.
First things first. The last fifty years include one of England’s worst phases at home – when they failed to beat the West Indies between 1976 and 1988 (1995, one may say), Australia between 1989 and 2001, and Pakistan between 1987 and 2001. In the new millennium, however, they grew in strength, and touring teams found it difficult once again: eight of the ten entries on this list are from the last 22 years.
Worst Test tours to England in the last fifty years
10. Australia in 2013: 5 Tests, 2 draws, 3 defeats
Australia came within 14 runs of a win at Trent Bridge, but things fell apart against Graeme Swann (9-122) at Lord’s. Two-down in the series, Australia declared twice but could not beat the Old Trafford rain, then collapsed twice against Stuart Broad (11-121) at Chester-le-Street. They made another bold declaration at The Oval, but England were only 21 away when bad light played spoilsport.
9. Australia in 1985: 6 Tests, 1 win, 2 draws, 3 defeats
The result mimicked that of Ian Botham’s Ashes from four years ago, but the quality of cricket was anything but. At a time when England and Australia were among the worst Test sides in the world, Allan Border chaperoned a team going through a transition. Border’s resilience and young Craig McDermott’s won them the Lord’s Test, but Australia managed only 51 wickets across the other five Tests. They were simply not good enough to dent David Gower (732 runs at 81.33).
8. West Indies in 2000: 5 Tests, 1 win, 1 draw, 3 defeats
The West Indies had not lost a series in England since 1969, and seemed on track when they won the Edgbaston Test by an innings and took a 133-run lead at Lord’s. But Andy Caddick (5-16) shot them out for 54, and everything went downhill. Rain prevented a result at Old Trafford before the West Indies collapsed again, for 61 against that man Caddick (5-14) at Headingley and for 125 against Craig White (5-32) at The Oval to concede their 31-year hold on the Wisden Trophy.
7. West Indies in 2024: 3 Tests, 3 defeats
A surrender this insipid should have ranked higher, but by 2024, few expected the West Indians to put up a show away from home. They failed to reach 200 four times in six innings, and managed more than 10 wickets in only one of the three Tests. Kavem Hodge’s hundred at Trent Bridge was the lone high point.
6. India in 2014: 5 Tests, 1 win, 1 draw, 3 defeats
Two Tests into the series, India were leading 1-0 after a tiff between Ravindra Jadeja and James Anderson. But then came a hat-trick of thrashings so comprehensive that no one remembered how the tour had started. India collapsed for sub-200 scores five times in a row, the streak culminating in 94 all out at The Oval. They also managed only 31 wickets across the same three Tests.
5. Sri Lanka in 2016: 3 Tests, 1 draw, 2 defeats
Two years earlier in England, Sri Lanka had won the greatest ever two-Test series of all time. But those expectations quickly evaporated when they were rolled over for 91, 119, and 101 in their first three innings. Sri Lanka avoided the innings defeat in the second Test and were saved by rain in the third, but that was that. They got injured and dropped catches; Shaminda Eranga’s bowling action was reported; and Nuwan Pradeep got a wicket off a no-ball for which Rod Tucker apologised. It was a mess.
4. Pakistan in 2006: 4 Tests, 1 draw, 3 defeats (including 1 forfeiture)
The series is remembered for Pakistan’s forfeiture at The Oval, resulting in Darrell Hair’s removal from the ICC panel (and, of course, for Inzamam-ul-Haq’s incredible hit-wicket dismissal). But that Test also concealed how ordinary the visitors looked after battling out a draw at Lord’s. This was 2006, so Mohammad Yousuf could do little wrong (his 631 runs came at 90.14), but apart from Younis Khan’s 173 at Headingley, there was very little support on easy batting wickets against Steve Harmison and Monty Panesar.
3. West Indies in 2004: 4 Tests, 4 defeats
Having regained the Wisden Trophy four years ago, a new-gen England now dished out the kind of humiliation they used to be at the receiving end of in the 1980s. The margins – 210 runs, 256 runs, seven wickets, 10 wickets – tell the story. Shivnarine Chanderpaul was at his obdurate best and Chris Gayle contributed in both departments. But with Brian Lara unable to find runs and no one stepping up to fill the shoes of Curtly Ambrose and Courtney Walsh, the result was foregone.
2. India in 2011: 4 Tests, 4 defeats
Few things sum up the desperation of the newly crowned ODI world champions than two incidents from this tour. One, as Kevin Pietersen counterpunched on the second morning at Lord’s, MS Dhoni took his pads off to bowl. And two, by the time the final Test began, India had to summon a clearly unfit RP Singh from his vacation in Miami: he began at gentle medium pace, well outside leg-side. England won two of the four Tests by an innings. Rahul Dravid’s hundreds kept the other two margins to 196 runs and 319 runs.
1. Australia in 1977: 5 Tests, 2 draws, 3 defeats
Two years ago, the Australians had won the Ashes and made it to the World Cup final in England. By the time they returned to the British shores, Kerry Packer had set out to change cricket irrevocably – although no one knew that at this point. More than a month before the first Test, the Australians were playing Sussex when the Daily Mail broke the news: home captain Tony Greig and 13 of the 17 visitors already had contracts. The following morning, the Australian newspapers took it up.
The Test series might have got some attention had the Australians put up a fight. But the visitors, almost none of whom knew whether they would play for Australia again, failed miserably. Under new captain Mike Brearley, England were denied by rain at Lord’s, but won each of the next three Tests by convincing margins to regain the Ashes.
What about Pakistan 2026?
Since the World Wars, no men’s Test team has left England without having reached 200 at least once. If Pakistan suffer that ignominy, they may “rise” to the top of this list. But then, they can turn things around, win at Edgbaston, and escape this list altogether.
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